Restlessness Rising: 1 AM Thoughts on Uncertainty That Bring me to the Stars

MO 2013

MO 2013

I’m learning so much and some days it all feels like too much to take in.

Days go by like minutes; months stitch together in beautiful uncertainty until somehow four seasons have gone by and I’m recalling that moment on the front porch last year when I said goodbye to the cradle-to-grave itinerary I used to demand of life. 

I’m in a new season of uncharted territory ahead. I don’t know where I’ll be living a few months from now. And as restlessness surfaces to the top of my chest, begging for air, I will take solace in that I’ve been here before— been here at these intersections of change and uncertainty— the scenery just looks a little different and the calendar tells me I’m slightly older than the last time I approached a junction like this.

But every time I’ve been met with that juncture—in different cities, circumstances, seasons of life— things always turned out in such a way that I’ve left the path with a new appreciation for knotty journeys without road maps and whose streets are deliberately dark so that you will look up and see the stars without distraction. 

MO 2014

MO 2014

So as I lay here restless, I know tomorrow I will find hope in the forms of signs and murals.
I will encounter freedom via riding my bike downhill, feet flat on both pedals, standing tall, long enough to smile and whisper a soft, grateful, “Weeee…”

I will laugh with friends new and old, grateful for community and all the ways in which it’s sprung up from once dry ground.
I will stay hearken to that still small voice, the steadfast pulse that reverberates throughout all of humanity to remind us of our interconnectedness, the cells and blood and breath we are.

And when all else fails, I will look up into the vast expanses of the unending sky and relish in the words of those poetic souls that have gone before me,

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given to you now because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

Because turns out life is better that way.

Melissa Kreitzer, Pinterest

Melissa Kreitzer, Pinterest

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