10. Because we need men on the home front to dictate what women should and shouldn’t do, especially regarding life (reproductive rights) and death (combat participation).
9. Because men are far too unemotional: they kill people and don’t come back with PTSD.
8. Because men are too strong: they will kill the entire country, including innocent civilians. We need women who are weak because, “The average female soldier does not even have the arm strength to throw a grenade far enough to keep herself from getting blown up.” (-Bryan Fischer, “Women Are Emotionally Unfit for Combat”)
7. Because men are too much of a distraction during combat.
6. Because if men die, then that’s one less kid without a father. And we all know men’s primary role is to be a father.
5. Because a man could get raped. And women are never raped in military situations, so clearly this would only be a problem for men.
4. Because men pee standing up. And everyone knows you can’t stand up and pee in the middle of a combat zone; you have to squat.
3. Because men can’t handle blood and dirt. That’s why there are no male nurses, especially not on newborn wards, and men don’t handle dirty diapers: they’re just too dirty!
2. Because we had foremothers, not forefathers!!
1. Because we would be too inclusive. Like Canada, New Zealand, Norway, France, Australia. What next? We allow gays to serve? And equitable healthcare? Forget this. I’m moving to Canada. Oh wait…